*hunger pain*
I would take a sip of water...
*hunger pain*
I would eat an apple...
*hunger pain*
More water....more apple....
*day dream of eating a pizza pocket*
Bathroom break. More water. More apple.
Repeat.
This diet is kicking me in the butt! All I want to do is cry, scream, complain and eat the entire contents of my fridge.
Needless to say, the Apple-all-day-trick does NOT work. Not because it wasn't effective, but because I couldn't do it! The first Apple-all-day Day I ended up scarfing up cheese (cheating) and a few other items (probably fat free lunch meat and ranch....this has been my guiltly pleasure lately....well, the ranch has. I think the lunch meat would be ok as long as I stick to small portions.
So, ive been maintaining. Then, yesterday, I attempted the Apple-all-day-trick again. But, again, I came home starving. So, I behaved, and made a dish of extra lean ground beef (an approved protein source) with onions (approved veggie) with tomato sauce (I can have tomatoes...) and seasonings. Ive dubbed it my sloppy joe mix. It's not bad, but after 4 weeks of eating it at least twice a week, and with my stomach screaming--mentally and physically--I kicked it up a notch. I added cheese.
And then I proceeded to turn on a chick flick and eat TWO--not one, but TWO--heaping bowls of it! My stomach ended up screaming at me by the end of one, but I pressed on! :( It was awful.
Then....to top it off.....I was craving sweets....so I had a spoonful of Cake batter ice cream. :( Luckily I stopped myself at a spoonful because I knew I'd regret it all!
So, I woke up with a sour belly last night....and today I gained 3 pounds. I feel like a fat cow. And depressed. As I left this morning for my new weekly weigh-in and measurements with my friends, I angrily told my husband he was going to have a fat-ass wife forever or I needed to teach myself to puke.
*sigh* I went to the weigh-in and measurements. *sigh* No loss. Anywhere.
Why does dieting have to be so hard?! I seriously want to ring my fists to the sky and scream "why?"
I was telling my mom today that my doc wants to examine the emotional/psychological reasons on why I overeat. It makes sense and I told my doc about my dad (usually if there's any psychological issue in my life, I examine the "my-dad-died-when-I-was-young-card") but I think this has nothing to do with my dad, any break ups, low self esteem, etc etc etc.
I think I just love to eat.
All food groups.
And, this diet, sucks.
But, I will hang in there. I've come this far. Besides eating, I do have a genuine desire to become healthy. I want babies, the ability chase after other people's babies all day long (Im in school to become a teacher) and to enjoy the way I look! I've dieted off and on my life...and Im tired of going back and forth.
Im also tired of wearing fat shorts underneath all dresses and skirts! Eep! I actually said that in this blog!!
So, Im cranky and worn out. I'm pissed off and hungry!
But, I'm now taking vitamins on a regular basis and attempting to drink the HCG Diet's requirement of 2 gallons of water (I've managed one gallon yesterday and today). I've also started journaling what I eat and my weight in my planner so I can analyze my choices and researching natural appetite suppressants. Im doing what I can....may the diet gods hear my cry!
In the fateful words of Bon Jovi "I feel like a Monday but someday I'll be Saturday Night!"
Wow Jenne, this diet does sound incredibly hard! I think the thing is learning to portion yourself. You ate two bowls of the sloppy joe mix but it ended up being too much and making you feel bad, right? That's good, because it means that your stomach knows what it's limits are. I think maybe you fight feelings with food, like being upset so eating two portions kind of deal. Which works for your brain and your emotions, but your body says "No! That hurts!" So you gotta figure out a way to control your emotions.. Which can be really damn hard when you're starving.
ReplyDeleteI think it's great that you only had one bite of ice cream. I think dieting sucks, but being able to regulate the "bad" stuff (not cut it out completely, but just eat it in moderation) is the real secret to losing weight. Also finding a really fun hobby that makes you sweat :) Dance, bicycling, hiking, etc. and sticking to it! It's hard to exercise just to exercise. Gyms are boring. But if you find something that is fun and that you can do with friends it will be easier to continue doing and you can get really good at it!
And the worst part of dieting is you want to see immediate results, but sometimes it just takes time and perseverance. You have already been really patient with this diet, and I think you definitely have the drive to be healthy. Keep trying, and maybe instead of thinking of instant gratification (with food, or losing lbs) think of the future... "In 2 months will this affect how much weight I lost?" Because in a year you will be able to look back and say "Damn, that was hard, but I did it!" or you can say "Damn, that was hard, I wish I hadn't quit because now I'm starting this shit all over again."
I think you're a super strong person but remember that if you need help just let your friends know! If you want someone to distract you with a game of scrabble, or someone to motivate you, someone to drag you out of the house, or someone to just vent to, don't forget that we're all here for you! You're awesome!!!!! GO GIRL!
Lexi is right, you've got plenty of support, so if you anything just holler. I also agree with her about finding activities that you enjoy. I consider myself a "social runner," meaning, I'll run anytime anyone invites me because I get to chat the entire time and don't even notice how painful running is. I'm getting better at going on my own also, but never as far as I do with a companion.
ReplyDeleteAnother idea that I learned on some show was to reward yourself with a relaxing cup of tea and a book in the evening, rather than food. This worked great for me this winter, when my first impulse once the kids were in bed was to make a dessert and eat the entire thing. Instead a sweet-ish tea and a good movie, show, or book felt like an indulgence. Weak, I know.
I hope that this works for you. It really doesn't seem fair to gain 3 lbs from overeating one bowl of dinner. I didn't realize the consequences of "cheating" were so severe! I can see how that would be discouraging, that is way worse than what happens when you aren't dieting.
I think you are beautiful and a joy to be around, and if this brings you any happiness with the hardships, you've got me cheering for you all the way!
About the ranch... I have a co-worker who was cutting calories and she LOVED ranch so she got the popcorn seasoning and used it as a substitute rather than smothering stuff in the good creme. lol
ReplyDeleteI have worn chubb Rubb shorts.. and sometimes use goldbond to prevent chubb rubb.. you are not alone!